


an island without waves

by sophh



Series: Shades of Heartbreak Weather [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5th year, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Stars & Scars, baby wolfstar, brief strong language, in which Remus discovers that he is not straight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26602891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophh/pseuds/sophh
Summary: Remus is distraught over a breakup, until Sirius suggests something that just might help him get over it.Brief use of strong language.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Shades of Heartbreak Weather [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930666
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	an island without waves

"Moony, lighten _up_ , would ya?" Sirius said, jabbing his friend's shoulder.

Remus flinched and stepped away, rubbing the spot that had just been poked by Sirius' thin finger. "You try lightening up after your girlfriend dumps you at breakfast for everyone to see," he mumbled.

"It's her loss, mate," Sirius said bracingly. "C'mon, you're a catch! She's a fool not to see it."

Remus could appreciate that Sirius was trying to cheer him up, but the other boy's words did nothing to ease his heartbreak. He thought he had loved Mary — as much as a fifteen year old boy could, anyway — and just then, it didn't feel like everything was going to be okay.

It felt a lot like the end of the world.

While Sirius continued to prattle on, Remus looked around at the colorful candy displays without really seeing them. Honeydukes was usually his favorite part of Hogsmeade, but today, being surrounded by so much joy and cheer was just making him feel more miserable.

"Fancy some crystalized pineapple, Moony?" Sirius was saying, rattling a box of the yellow sweets in his general direction.

"Sirius, please," Remus said, pinching his nose the way he'd seen his father do when suffering a headache, "I think I just want to go back to the castle."

"But you love this place!" Sirius frowned. "This thing with Mary has really gotten you down, hasn't it?"

"Well spotted," Remus muttered, scuffing his shoe against the floor. If only Peter hadn't had to study for the next Transfiguration test. _He_ would have let Remus mope in peace.

Even James, who was off attempting to woo Lily as usual, might have been _slightly_ better company.

"We should at least stay long enough to get you some chocolate, don't you think?" Sirius lowered his voice. "You know, for...next month?"

Remus smiled weakly. "I suppose that's not a bad idea."

He stood by and watched as his eager friend filled his arms with chocolate bars, frogs, wands, skeletons, and cauldrons.

"Think this'll be enough, Moony?" Sirius panted.

Remus laughed for the first time that day. "Sure, enough to give me a massive stomachache. I can't even _look_ at it all without feeling a bit queasy."

Sirius hauled everything to the checkout line, smiling flirtatiously at the witch behind the counter. "Good afternoon, ma'am."

"That'll be twenty Galleons," she said.

Remus' jaw dropped. Twenty Galleons was far more money than he had planned to spend. "Oh, er, sorry, I should go put some of it back..."

"Nonsense," Sirius declared, pulling a sack of coins from the pocket of his robes. "It's my treat, Moony."

Remus blushed. "Sirius, I really can't let you—"

"Good thing it's my decision, then," Sirius laughed, handing the witch twenty gold coins.

Remus kept quiet as Sirius bagged up the chocolate, chatting with the checkout woman all the while. He sometimes envied his friend's ability to charm anyone he met. It didn't hurt that Sirius was incredibly good-looking as well. Remus had often noticed how all the girls stared longingly at him. Even Mary had sometimes voiced her disappointment that Remus wasn't much like the dark-haired boy.

Remus wondered if being more like Sirius would have made her stay.

"Alright, Moony, do you wanna head back to the castle now?" Sirius asked, lugging an impossible amount of bags in his arms — arms that Remus suddenly noticed were very muscular.

He shook his head to clear the observation from his mind, but Sirius seemed to think he had been answering the question.

"Where to, then?" he said, leading the way out of the shop and onto the cobblestone street. "There's Zonko's if you want a laugh, or we could get some butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks—"

"Why did you buy me all that chocolate, Sirius?" Remus blurted out.

Sirius shrugged. "I thought it might help you feel better."

Remus sighed. "Yeah, I don't...I don't know about that, Sirius." He plopped down onto the bench outside of Gladrags Wizardwear. "It kind of feels like nothing will ever be...good again."

Sirius sat down beside him, depositing the shopping bags onto the ground with a kind of grace that Remus could only dream of possessing. "Right," he said, slinging an arm around Remus' shoulder. "Tell me everything."

Remus was hesitant at first, but Sirius seemed genuine, and he soon found himself spilling his guts to his friend. Sirius listened intently — or appeared to, at least — and Remus was relieved at how much better it felt to get his feelings off his chest.

"I just feel so...broken," he finished, twisting his hands together. He peeked up at Sirius through his lashes and was startled to find that the other boy's eye had grown stormy.

"She didn't deserve you, Moony," he said, jaw clenched like it did when he spoke of his family.

"If anything, I didn't deserve _her_ ," Remus said softly. Tears pricked at his eyes and he blinked furiously to keep them at bay.

"Don't say that," Sirius said fiercely. "Don't you ever say that, Remus."

The use of his first name surprised Remus, but he was so distraught that he didn't spare it much thought.

"It's true," he sobbed, finally breaking down. If he could have picked anywhere to fall to pieces, it wouldn't have been on a bench in Hogsmeade in front of his much cooler friend, but he was glad that he didn't have to keep up the charade anymore. "It's true, I'm no good to anyone."

Sirius was shaking his head. "The next time I see Mary, I'll kill her," he growled. "No one makes my friends feel like rubbish. _No one_."

"No, Sirius, it's not her fault," Remus said tearfully. "I just don't think I'm worthy of anyone's love."

Sirius reached up with his free hand and gently wiped one of Remus' tears away. The unexpectedly tender gesture made Remus feel warm inside, like he had just taken a large swig of butterbeer.

"Thanks," he whispered.

"You're—you're welcome." Sirius seemed unable to look away from him, and Remus began to feel self-conscious.

"Do I have something on my face?" he asked, scrubbing at his cheeks with his sleeve.

"No, it's just—Merlin, you're—" Sirius bit his lip. "Never mind."

"No, what were you going to say?" Remus' curiosity was piqued. Sirius never got flustered like that. He always knew exactly what to say.

"Nothing important," his friend said quickly. "What do you say we head back to the castle when you've composed yourself?"

Remus nodded and got to his feet before turning to face the other boy. "Erm, thanks for listening to me, Sirius. You didn't have to do that."

"After everything you've done for me, Moony, it was the least I could do," he said.

Remus felt his cheeks grow warm. "I'm not sure I've done all that much for you."

"I'm pretty sure you've saved my sorry arse a number of times," Sirius chuckled. "Seriously, I'd probably have flunked Hogwarts my first year if it hadn't been for you."

"Well, if you just _studied_ a bit more, you wouldn't need my help. You're very intelligent, Sirius, not that you'd ever let anyone know that."

Sirius bowed. "Why, thank you, Moony."

...

The two friends bickered the whole way back to the castle, where they proceeded to the fifth year boy's dorm.

Sirius flopped across his bed and groaned. "My arms are killing me."

"I _did_ offer to carry some of those bags," Remus reminded him. "But I suppose you couldn't miss the opportunity to show off."

"Damn right I couldn't," Sirius grinned. "Hey, you know what you need, aside from copious amounts of chocolate?"

Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. No doubt Sirius had some extremely unsafe or embarrassing idea in mind. "What?"

"Well, you know what they say," Sirius said conspiratorially, "the best way to get over someone is to get _under_ someone else."

Somehow that suggestion was even worse than anything Remus could have imagined.

He blushed furiously. "Sirius! I am not doing that!"

"Why not?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. "Surely that would take your mind off that stupid cow Mary."

"Because I—I don't want to!" he hissed. There was also the small fact that he was still a virgin, but he didn't want to tell Sirius that. For some reason, he had never felt like being intimate in that way with any of the girls he had dated—not that he had dated many.

"Interesting," Sirius said thoughtfully.

Remus crossed his arms, defensive. "What's so interesting about that?"

Sirius stretched out onto his back so that he was looking at the ceiling instead of Remus. "Maybe you don't want to follow my _excellent_ suggestion because you're not into girls."

Remus burst out laughing. His friend had had many ridiculous notions over the years, but this one took the cake. " _Not into girls?_ Sirius, that doesn't...that doesn't make any sense."

Sirius sat up and looked at him. His eyes seemed to probe Remus' very soul. "Really? How come you've never mentioned anything beyond kissing, then, Moony?"

He gulped. "Because I'm a gentleman?"

"Nah. I think you've never mentioned fucking those girls—" Remus instinctively closed his eyes at the crass word, "—because you didn't _want_ to fuck any of them."

"Alright, fine, I didn't," Remus admitted, then quickly added, "But that doesn't mean anything. I'm only fifteen. What if I got a girl pregnant?"

"Do you even like _kissing_ girls, Remus?" Sirius queried.

There he was again, using Remus' first name. It was so unlike him that Remus peered over at him suspiciously. "Why do you keep calling me 'Remus'?"

"Why are you avoiding the question?" Sirius retorted. "I mean, if the answer is 'no,' haven't you ever thought about what it might be like to kiss a bloke instead?"

Remus hadn't shared a boy's dorm with his best mates for five years and not considered it. But he had always felt that kissing one of his friends would feel like kissing a brother — not that he _had_ a brother, but all the same, he didn't think it would feel right.

"I've thought about it," he said carefully. "I just don't think it's for me."

"How would you know, if you've never tried it?" Sirius pressed.

"Hang on." Remus stared at his friend, trying — and failing — to imagine him kissing another boy. "Have _you_ tried it?"

"Sure have," Sirius said, sounding almost proud.

"Really?" Remus didn't mean to come across as skeptical, but everyone knew that Sirius was a huge flirt when it came to the female species.

"Yeah, I've done my fair share of it. I actually enjoy it more than snogging girls," Sirius replied. He paused. "Look, if you ever wanted to...experiment with me, I promise I wouldn't laugh at you."

Remus reached for a bar of chocolate. "Erm, I think I'm done with this conversation now." He tore open the wrapper and shoved a piece into his mouth.

Sirius shrugged. "Your call, Moony, but it's a standing offer. I'm down for a good snog anytime you want."

Remus threw a chocolate wand at him.

...

Remus should have known that falling asleep that night would be difficult. He had managed to get through dinner without too much trouble, but once he had finished his homework and thrown out all the trinkets that Mary had given him, he had nothing left to occupy his thoughts.

First, he thought about the morning's events: being dumped at breakfast, the pitying stares afterwards. Then his mind drifted to Sirius: how he had bought all of that chocolate for him like it was nothing, how he had listened while Remus cried, and most intriguingly, how he had mentioned kissing boys.

Remus tried again to visualize Sirius kissing another boy. He recalled the last lovesick couple he had seen snogging, substituting their faces for Sirius' and someone else's. First he used James' face as the other half of the couple, but that just looked odd. Next, he conjured up Peter and decided that didn't look right either. Finally, he pictured himself kissing Sirius, and the result made him feel more curious than disgusted.

He wanted to try it. Even if it went badly, it might at least give him something to think about that _wasn't_ his ex-girlfriend.

"Sirius," he whispered. "Sirius, are you awake?"

"Am now," came Sirius' voice in the darkness. It was languid with sleep, but it somehow gave Remus goosebumps nonetheless.

Remus paused, having realized that he hadn't thought this next part through. "Erm, I'm going to come over there."

He quietly slipped out of his bed and onto Sirius'. "About earlier," he began, his stomach twisting in knots, "your...offer still stands, right?"

Sirius sat up quickly, the moonlight casting dark shadows on his face. "Yeah."

"Could we...could we try it now?" Remus crossed his fingers, hoping that Sirius couldn't see.

"Sure," Sirius said. Remus wondered if he was imagining the eagerness in the other boy's voice. "Common room might be the best place, though, if it's empty."

Remus nodded, then padded to the dormitory door behind the other boy. Once they reached the staircase leading to the common room, Remus reminded Sirius of the creaky stair near the bottom, and both made it down the steps without making too much noise.

Sirius chose one of the couches near the still-burning fire. Remus sat beside him, suddenly feeling very awkward.

"What now?" he asked nervously.

"First, just relax, Moony," Sirius said, settling back against the cushions. "Talk about something that'll make you feel comfortable, so you don't get stuck in your head like you always do."

"I don't always—" Remus stopped himself. "I guess you know me too well."

"That I do," Sirius said, his mouth curved upward in a slight smile. Remus couldn't help but stare at his lips, knowing that he might soon feel them on his own.

"I guess I just don't know what to say right now," Remus confessed.

"That's alright," Sirius said. "No pressure. We don't even have to do this—"

"No, I want to," Remus said hastily. He wasn't sure if he would ever have the courage to try again if this didn't work out. "Erm, what if I just close my eyes and you just...do it?"

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, looking doubtful. "You'd be alright with that?"

Remus nodded before he could change his mind. "Yeah."

Sirius scooted a little closer. Remus closed his eyes and held his breath, waiting for the moment when the other boy's lips touched his.

When they finally did, it was better than Remus could have ever imagined. The sensation that filled him was not unlike the one he felt when he took a bite of Honeydukes chocolate—euphoric yet soothing. Kissing Sirius was like a drug, one that he couldn't get enough of. Before long, he had cupped the other boy's face in his hands and pressed himself closer.

"Whoa there, Moony," Sirius laughed, pulling away. "We should stop before you get too carried away. It's only me."

"No, that's just it," Remus murmured. "I don't want to stop _because_ it's you."

He didn't know what that said about his sexuality, but he wasn't too concerned about it at the moment. All that mattered then was getting to kiss Sirius again.

"Well, that's good, because I don't want to stop either," Sirius confessed, his voice husky. "I always thought kissing you would feel amazing."

"Then why didn't you say anything sooner?" Remus asked, incredulous. "You would have saved me a lot of embarrassment and—and shame."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, looking genuinely contrite. "I didn't know how you would take it, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship, so I just...kept it to myself."

"You know, I am oddly impressed," Remus said thoughtfully. "I mean, you're usually terrible at keeping secrets, Sirius."

Sirius grinned. "Are you oddly impressed by my snogging skills as well?"

Remus rolled his eyes, but he couldn't stop a wide smile from spreading across his face. "Yes, I am."

**Author's Note:**

> As with the other stories in this series, this is based on prompts from a challenge at Hogwarts Challenges & Challenges over at ff.net. 
> 
> Prompts: (location) Honeydukes, write about trying to forget an ex


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